66. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. 37. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Full Disclosure Here. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. It was sheer brilliance. 4. A LOOtenant! I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. She told me she warships them. 10. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. They all originally set out to become Marines. Later, I spoke with Mom. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! How tough? SUB sandwiches! What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. She also liked her scotch. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Ocean Pearl, I answered. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? Did it work? Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. 5. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Attention! Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. 1. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. A drill serGENTLEMEN! While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. If pilots screw up, they die. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. Me: No, I dont. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. 42. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Semper Pie Its not weak, he replied. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. [Answered]. 9. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Long Haul As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. Gary Toohard. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Whats an LMD? I asked. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Rodrigues there? An airplane! I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? 11. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? More information More like this Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? A military captain saying I was just thinking What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Bad altitude. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Rodrigues there? Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Aviation Humor - F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? And you also make me nervous when you visit.. Me: Hello? My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. 28. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. 1. You had tents?" The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. In-dough-structible But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. They bagged six. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? What do hungry Marines eat? When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. Pilots 5. Nothing, she said. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Do you want to hear about my plane?. If it doesnt move, pick it up. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. They throw out a pistol. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". 29. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. How much noise can we make up here? Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. 65. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Eternal Piece The c.i.a. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. 4. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? OHH OHOH! 44. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Landings are mandatory. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. 27. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. AVIATION HUMOR - Sierra Hotel Aeronautics They sure grow up fast, dont they?. (pointing at the sky). Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. 15. Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Takeoffs are optional. Caller: OK. He nodded.