Your email address will not be published. They often have a weird giggle. They are manipulators and youre not. I knew its time to leave my narc when I started noticing that our son is picking up his abusive behavior. Whatever adversity you went through due to this person, you've used it as a platform to rise higher and become more bold than you've ever been. If youd like to read a free preview, which includes the first chapter and the pathological love relationship checklist, click on this link. You dont have to verbally abuse them as they do you, just make comments about how the guy or girl across the room is more attractive. How about if you started to do the same things to them? The greatest punishment for a narcissist isn't the loss of love by any family member or friend. It . So so sad, Hi Ralph: So there is a version of no-contact called grey rock which is more like an emotional no-contact. For example: He has convinced me to quit multiple jobs because its to stressful , they treat you so bad,let me support the family for while. Then turns it around that Im crazy and stupid for quitting and how selfish I was. Getting even is no easier than getting closure, because narcissists dont suffer for the same reasons that we can and then, as a result, grow and change because of this suffering. Yes, I know theres a part of us that wants to see it all come crashing down for them. The thought of it feels amazing, right? I can look forward to starting my life without all the toxicity and drama and can honestly say life is so much better without him in it. And it is so subtle that they will have a hard time getting back at you or possing as the victim. Silent Treatment. The silent treatments or disappearances for days on end? Since narcissists live for being admired and their pride is of great importance, doing . She got full custody and moved 125 miles away. Its that they made us look and feel as if there is something wrong with us for feeling hurt and angry over being treated this way. Losing. Not only does it not have the intended effect, we just have more fallout to deal with because we are the ones who end up hurt by it when the narcissist responds to what we did, and it just keeps us engaged with them longer. In other words, no matter what you do, they will find a way to spin it and make it about themselves. You dont need to be blatant about it either, narcissists are always making comparisons, so theyre sure to find out when youre doing better than them in some way. In many ways, theyre more psychopath than narcissist. She baited me back to keep the fight going. Required fields are marked *. We are left wondering: is there any way to make them feel the consequences of their actions? In this article I will describe exactly what words hurt a Narcissist the most and what the best method is to get your ultimate revenge on them. Empathic validation is a fancy way of saying, butter up your criticism with a compliment first . How do you throw someone under the bus with love? My grandchildren are 9 and 7 and the mother excessively involves herself in every conceivable way. Ridiculing you. Thats seldom the case with narcissists, who suck up vulnerability like a sponge and then use it to inform their abusive behaviors. No one is likely to believe you and even if they do, the narcissist will soon smooth everything over. They love to play you for a fool. Sometimes, you might even want to clear your own name. Turning a narcissists preferred tactic around is doubly insulting. Usually, you would respond with anger or outrage or tears at this mistreatment. -Kristen, It is very sad watching children being used as some manipulation tools. Oftentimes, you wont even know that youve made them feel inferior, your first clue will be them putting you down. These methods of vengeance may not look like vengeance at all. A narcissist wont let you have the final word though, they will almost certainly try to pull you back into the relationship. Works 3000 kilometres away and did it by phone. Helpful, outgoing, and generally warm towards others, communal narcissists arent even on most peoples radar. They will purposefully do things to prevent you from doing something as simple as sleep. Trying to hurt a grandiose narcissist usually results in belittling behaviors that are designed to boost their ego. Narcissistic personality traits are on the rise, and it can be toxic in relationships where money is involved. All of this is part of the revenge mission. What happened to us will never go away, it just means we wont be controlled by it anymore. I will have a constant reminder of him. Its not just that they cheat. Website - https://www.narcsurvivor.co.ukCoaching - coaching@narcsurvivor.co.ukMerchandise - https://teespring.com/stores/narcsurvivorDonations - https://payp. 6. Narcissists use this one all the time; its designed to make you work for their attention and it is called Silent Treatment. Getting revenge isn't going to work, you have to understand narcissism deeply. And by the way, it didnt work. Google drive is free YouTube is free etc Once I crossed that threshold, I saw him and the other woman as cartoon characters in mind and their antics not only lost their ability to hurt or trigger methey actually became funny in a Saturday Night Live kind of way. Walking away from a narcissists abuse (and staying away) is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. When someone that's narcissistic talks over you, you talk over them to prove a point, both of your voices will escalate in volume and rapidity. Wow thats a huge slap in the face. Narcissists can't accurately see where they end and you begin. "Make sure you have a core group of people in your life that can support you . One of the worst things you can do to a narcissist is to not acknowledge them. Revenge is a dish best served cold. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to feed their ego. But in learning t laugh (not in a condescending manner but in a healing manner) we can recover so much faster. 6. So what is the worst thing you can do to a narcissist? Dont talk bad about the father (although he is the reason). Yes they did these things to you and its not fair, but theyre mentally-disordered and unstable and thats the point. Please reach out to someone who can help you get through those periods that are so intense you feel like doing something like taking your life. I tried to break things up with him several times, but he manages to come back and have me back into his arms. Narcissistic people thrive on attention. Yes, you are absolutely right. Dr. Les Carter cautions that as you are fatigued by them, bad habits can . In this case, however, youre sinking to their level intentionally to get a reaction, not just because youve been provoked. . But youve told your truth. Its that they intentionally gained our trust first before doing these things. Till I saw I had endorsed a narcissist/sociopath in the nursing-business. I did and after three months she calls me asking why Im not seeing my children. The main reason is that shame could negatively impact his reputation and give him a lower status in his social circle. But yes, it will truly affect a Narc if it wasnt tooo long ago the breakup occurred. I dont consider it revenge. The narcissist is trying to regain control of the situation by breaking you down. Its actually not all that difficult. forgive my poor english nut i can feel what are you going through..the situation is complicated due to the children..if you were alone..ou can easily leave him to win you life back..but having children with him make you obligated to stay on contact with him for the rest of ur life..even if you get divorce..narcissist person is always childish..if you play his game you will never be free..so the best thing you can do is make him feel like winning ..like you do with the kids..and play cold..intel he gets tired..if you really scare of him that match.. Theres some sort of indignity in everything youre going through right now. What about when children are involved? Hi Andy: Im so sorry to hear about the pain you are going through right now. Its about empowering myself. If youre asking for understanding and compassion from a narcissist, youre barking up the wrong tree. Or cock your head and squint as if what was said did not make any sense. The other one loves bananas, but also loves their spouse, and has no problem doing small things like not forcing unwanted banana contact. Im married to one and currently trying to get away but scared of him. I need to read a successful ending from a husband of a narcissistic WIFE! These methods are highly rooted in emotion. You've probably already figured a lot of this out. I drove 2.5 hours to pick my kids up to a note saying youre late took the kids to my sister house April fools. OK, it doesn't but it should . The guild you bare from where there is no escape. Narcissists have but one goal get more narcissistic supply. And when we can show a narc that they are NOTHINGthat KILLS THEM INSIDE. It is common for a narcissist to mask his/her true identity with a false self. You just cant take it anymore and are tired of feeling powerless. One way I took revenge is by knowing all Narcissists are paranoia. But I will never get my life. Exploitation. Only it was with the other woman. That understood, the worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to seek revenge as they are vengeful toward you. And can you leave a link to your blog? There may be a material loss as well. It's about offering something to another person without the expectation of . The problem with wounding a narcissist and causing a narcissistic injury, however, is that narcissists react very strongly. If you don't need to maintain contact with them, don't. Walk out of that door and never look back. My head was spinning to trying to understand what was really going on. Being Replaced: We are okay, good, but still working on our relationship. Why is this better than leaving for someone else? Narcissists dont usually accept responsibility for their behavior or view their behavior as problematic. Narcissists are good at putting on a decent show for the public. 3. In fact, they look closer to boundary-setting. This is so complex. I say this not to take away from the pain we may have endured because I know how it feels toWANTto get revenge on the narcissist. The limitations and deficits that impact every activity I do is overwhelming. with her. Going no contact after you walk away from a fight is the best way to leave the narcissist and their abusive behavior in the past. But it isnt just about revenge. Going silent could very likely send them into a narcissistic rage screaming, insults, and possibly physical aggression. When you look good on the outside, you feel happy on the inside. State your truth and disgust to them when you are ready and strong enough. The problem is that even when youre doing everything right by the narcissist, it isnt always enough. This is how they regain their position of power. One of the worst things narcissists do is manipulate people into doing what they want. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and licensed therapist, wants anyone who is in a narcissistic relationship to stop saying one phrase: "You make me feel." It's a way of expressing yourself that . But not after you have expressed your anger to them in very explited terms. Not only did he lie to the everyone about the relationship and to the courts as he wanted to win. My suggestion for you is to reach out. See the end of this post for information about how to read a free previewof my book, which including the first chapter and the pathological love relationship checklist. There you go. You can say something like, "I feel terrible for". But the things he did and still does And the lies! There are somany ways these days to record someone. Your best life, in other words, is anything without them in it and thats all they need to know. How do you fight someone that doesnt operate on a normal emotional level though? Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and expert on extreme self-involvement, shares . I now hv ways dealing with him live ur life be happy it kills them. What does a narcissist do when they lose? When seemingly simple, mundane things result in a wild overreaction, you know something isn't right. -Kristen, You have to break away. They had known he was ill, but his death was sudden, surprising everyone. If there was some way to inflict some equivalent pain, you think, maybe the narcissist would have an epiphany and stop doing what they do. Feeling good about yourself will radiate the positive energy within you and attract the right people to your side. If you need to maintain contact, let them know how they can and cannot be in contact with . I know that may be hard. After all, its not just that its revenge. When you explain your feelings, youre not helping the narcissist to see your point of view theyre not capable of that. I know how frustrating it can be to have someone youNEVEReven said hello to say to you with disgust, Ive heard all about you.. Note that Im examining these as thought exercises. Living with a narcissist can lead to feelings of insecurity, confusion, and self-doubt. Everyone laughs and teases others sometimes. Youre trying to do the right thing; rather than lashing out or plotting revenge, you want to work out a peaceful solution with the narcissist. You've probably read a hundred times how narcissists leave relationships and then swan dive right into a new one. Also, the worst thing you can do with a narcissist is to try to make them feel guilty or sorry for their actions. 2. Yes, Im saying that basically the only way to get revenge is to leave. Tried to put me in jail on a restraining order and at that time the judge told me in his chambers asi had to sign papers that there is something serious wrong with your wife and I may say stay away from her . They have no boundaries, so if you sink low, they will always sink lower. 1. These are the people we typically think of as narcissists: high self-esteem extroverts that can be quite charming and often excel in leadership roles. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist that will drive them insane is something very very simple. If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, you need to get out, they'll never love you the way you want. I plan to put it all on YouTube and send links to his friends and family. I absolutely love this articlethank you! Hi. 4. I dont recommend them. (Make sure you take pictures of the articles just in case she throws it away). The worst thing you can ever have in your life. You might be wondering what words you should use to hurt or humiliate a Narcissist. After a year or two recovering I decided to send my ex-narc/psychopath and her new lover an anonymous postcard on newyears-day. Unfortunately, theyre likely to use your words and actions against you, even when youre being amicable. There are other ways to get over it. Narcissistic abuse is one of the worse types of psychological abuse that one person can do to another, but unfortunately, many people are stuck in these types of relationships. Once the narcissist has goaded you into reacting, they can keep you feeling powerless, guilty, and participating in the relationship until they're ready to end it. Create a support system. 4. I have recordings of him. Just constant horrible behavior while the divorce is going through. Theyll play the victim and make you out to be a villain in this toxic relationship. But never give up being a mother. Use it to protect yourself and family. You could even feel relief knowing maybe they wouldnt do this to anyone else. Thus the easiest way to enrage a narcissist is to take away their narcissistic supply. Thank you so much. It's not even the loss of treasured material possessionsthough they do feel a major blow when they face such a loss. Need Peer Support? I would be interested in reading it. Moreover, the worst way of hurting is by especially focussing and undermining the talents that your narcissist regularly boasts about.. that too with perfect facts. They appear likable at fist. So to me it isnt about revenge or him at all. It shows the narcissists that despite EVERYTHING (and listen to this)EVERYTHING they have done, what they did, and what they will try to do that, it doesnt even phase us, because they are soUNIMPORTANT. No blowout fights at the grocery store, no hurling insults in front of friends, just scornful non-verbal communication that makes the other person feel terrible. Check out this article on HOW TO HURT A NARCISSIST AND GET AWAY WITH IT.. And he tells lies that can be easily identifed as lies, which makes me think whats the point of lying in the first place? But you know the truth. For me, it feels good to have the muzzle off. 8) Look your best. The best revenge is to beHAPPY. In any case, the only way to win against a narcissist is to never play their game. The Narcissist LOVES the idea that they can mold other peoples reality and perception of us. Tell it to all the people who ask about what happened. When you do this, the narcissist has no further use for you and will either discard you or do everything in their power to pull you back into the supply-providing role. Basically, this is designed to be a sort of presentation to the world - a well-designed impetus to acquire much-needed attention and admiration. It seems to keep many people from moving on. I feel rejected and used. I think sometimes we think that if we get revenge, that will help us to move on, but I think that trying to get revenge can do just the opposite. Again, a little tit for tat to see how they like it. Run, girl! On her next birthday give her the dairy letting her know how much you want to connect with her and how she shunned you. Want to read about the five stages of leaving a narcissist? They live in fear of their victims who might come after them all the time, or to their (new) friends and partners. Let her know how much you love her. Despite their confident exterior, narcissists are nearly always worried about what others think of them. Use Empathic Validation if You Need to Confront a Narcissist. Narcissists hurt us so that we always have something to remember them by. Rage and cold fury. You'll notice the narcissist in your life getting more and more angry as you keep ignoring them. And when we can show a narc that they are NOTHINGthat KILLS THEM INSIDE. I like how you put this. Better to play your game. They wont view it as revenge, but youll be giving them additional narcissistic supply. We used to be INCREDIBLY close (all this happened as she turned 18). I thought about this answer for a long time, and tried to think of words, specific words, that I used to get free and metaphorically fight fire with fire. Nothing does. Additionally, you should never try to outshine a narcissist or make them feel inferior in any way, as this will only . My therapist has been telling me for quite a while to watch funny movies and to laugh for many reasons. If you think about what narcissists thrives on, however, by rendering them invisible, you starve them of the drama that they crave. So maybe its all about in how we think about it? but in some point you have to face him to get out of this ****..the reason why i said that i feel you..is because i go through the same thing with my mother..and she did fight for us..and im thinkfull to her for the rest of my life for being soo brave to leave..as your kids..they will be greatfull to you..i hope happiness find you where ever you go. They can become abusive and deeply hurt the people in their lives. Stop complimenting them, dont be submissive or agreeable, and dont do anything for them that could be seen as ego-boosting. In the past, I wrote with trepidationnot wanting to offend others who may not be ready to laugh about something so serious. Making future plans with you and then carrying them out with someone else? But we must always remember that old aphorism says: those who seek revenge better dig TWO GRAVES.. Trying to talk to them is like talking to a brick wall, and they always turn their flaws around on you to make it seem like you're being ungrateful. The worst thing to do to a narcissist is to not let them have any power over your emotions. None of the methods will provoke an epiphany from the narcissist about how they have been treating you. Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "ad6c1b8d9fbea60cfdb8d85fc21dabf7" );document.getElementById("i2dc42b6e0").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. You used the pain they gave you as fuel to create your greatest victories. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a stranger. There's something about sending negative energy and abuse right back to a narcissist, and doing it quickly, that really irritates them.