But yeah, I would go to a counselor rather than skipping straight to a lawyer unless there are more flagrant issues. Its like Captain Awkward says no matter why youre standing on my foot, you need to stop standing on my foot. update: is my future manager a bigoted jerk? But youre his spouse and in a perfect position to help him understand whats going on and try to help fix it! Out of curiosity do you know what the statistics in your area for domestic violence? But because a good counselor will see that there is no point and dismiss the couple. These are normal things that a lot of people encounter at some point; if your relationship as it currently stands doesnt have room to address them, its past time to get some help to straighten it out. For example, I dont gamble and drugs, etc have no appeal. Bringing your spouse along on a work trip only works some of the time, and it definitely doesnt work if the spouse has already exhibited controlling behavior. is a really good sign! Yeah, Vegas can be a skeezy place but I havent found it to be any worse than LA, Nashville, Cincinnati, New York, Seattle, Boston, or any of the other cities Ive been to. Yes some people are probably going to jump all over me but let's be realistic here. making sure your spouse is okay with big decisions that affect both of you isnt that unreasonable. Sometimes, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas because it was incredibly boring, like three days of being in windowless conference rooms. So your husband just told you he wants to go away for Labor Day. I suspect that he says that because he can frame it as Im only concerned for YOUR safety, rather than When you go to Las Vegas, I feel like I am not in control of you, and that makes me unhappy. I bet he doesnt even really think you will cheatits about knowing that you COULD and he wouldnt see and couldnt do anything about it. I played Princess Bride slots for 45 minutes. Maybe OP married him? I got friend walks with doggo once a week to give myself what I needed while respecting that my husband didn't " I don't want to travel the world with you to film weddings and turn ever work trip . We're glad we did it to see it's totally do-able. Yes, this could actually be what he really is freaking out about, in my experience. A city with a lot of hotels and legalized gambling, but it also has residential neighborhoods, malls, schools, etc. This is CONTROLLING and MANIPULATIVE behaviour. I absolutely dread this. That leads me to believe his concerns are less altruistic. Studies show that men who are outearned by their wives and cannot cover the households bills with their own income generally act out more about their successful wives. I can fold laundry and watch chick flicks and read novels in the tub after the kids go to bed, He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go.. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. I dont know any sex workers and it certainly would not be for me, but Im not going to clutch my pearls and start labeling other people,s choices as unwholesome and I have a big eye roll for people who do. AP, this is just a wonderful post. Menu. Usually these things build up over time and abusive relationships (even if not intentionally abusive even if the partner really does have anxiety or whatever and is not TRYING to be controlling!) husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Sometimes walking away is the only thing you can do. Normal For Husband to Vacation Without Me? - FatherResource I go out of state to continuing education conferences, I dont know, once or twice a year. Since I took the position five years ago, they have sent management on a three-day business trip each year. But its a pretty serious one-off. But no gambling! I say this because I have a hard time believing that someone who had actually been to Vegas would hold these opinions about it honestly its not my favorite place because I find it too crazy and overstimulating, but I have never felt I was in any kind of danger. People watching! One learns to cope AT&T helps, also. I mean, we really cant say from the letter which it is, but its so easy to read into it either anxiety or controlling/toxic depending on what weve personally experienced. hahahah! Last time I was there staying at the Cosmo some HR conference started in the hotel (funny as an HR person) He is seriously out of whack and I would not put up with him. We hike through Red Rock Canyon or the Valley of Fire. Im going to second the suggestion of marriage counseling, but I think your husband sounds controlling and unreasonable. Theyre both controlled, predictable corporate environments that can provide controlled, predictable hospitality services, often at a price affordable enough to attract business conferences. Theres a limit to how much they can make if they limit themselves to those who want risqu and sleavy. At tax time we make about the same but for my emergency calls its hard to keep up. If I squint really hard, I can kiiiinda see the objection to the first scenario (though still not really), but objecting to the second is very weird. There is almost always an office, a security guard, etc. If youre not going during SXSW or Austin City Limits, you can get hotel rooms consistently for less than $200 in Austin. Divorce is a valid option, if you choose to go down that road. My company sent managers to Las Vegas last February for a corporate business trip for three days. And we have no way of knowing, so a lot of people are going the when this happened to me it was X, so thats whats happening here.. Also, sometimes its exhausting to argue with an anxiety sufferer and you end up agreeing to get out of the discussion. Being worried about my safety seemed a bit off since I was being chauffered around with a group of his female relatives. I think its one of the things that makes our relationship so strong. One casino is the same as another, the food isnt as good as it once was (you have to go off-strip for the REALLY good stuff), and its crazy expensive. Regardless of whether the husband is trying to control you, or whether he is merely unable to overcome devastating anxiety, the effect is the same: You need to keep your job and live your life like a normal person, either so you can support him in recovering from this anxiety (pay for counseling, health insurance, treatment) or so you can escape what may very well be an abusive situation. update: how can I turn down training requests from my clients? But VEGAS?! Yeah. Marriage counselling is categorically not recommended if there is abuse. Its in Las Vegass best interests to keep visitors safe. I would idd consider flying. But he needs to sit down, fix a drink (I prefer Earl Grey, YMMV), and look at his actions and the state of his marriage. My husband doesn't want to go because of the 14 hour car ride. She didnt ask permission to go on a business trip this week, because I understand that her work travel is non-negotiable. we can all agree that either way, Husband isnt likely to change his behaviour without some outside intervention, so I do hope that counselling is an option for them. There are plenty of restaurants and even the pickiest co-workers can settle on a dinner location. Yeah the strip can be crazy but so can Disney World. Youre in a room all day, you still have to get up and WORK the next morning I go to one every year, and my butt is in bed at 10pm. I love my husband to bits, hes a good man, but I would never ever ever want to be in a position where I was financially dependent on him. Very few of these trips ends up involving much fun at all. Thoughts? Whats more surprising is that youre the main provider. I have friend who grossly exaggerates the number of people who support his stance, nevermind the the biasing in surveying. 402 views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Famosos: #TaniaRincn y su esposo iniciaron su amor con el pie izquierdo: su relacin no era perfecta. I still think he worries about my safety a bit too much (and whoa, good Im not headed to war zones at this point in my career! rarely cede ground. Either he socializes with very retrograde people, or hes snowing you when he tells you that hes enjoying full-throated unquestioning support of his attempt to stifle your career. I dont think its all that misogynistic cheating isnt the only thing hes worried about. If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! I think youre going to get a lot of pile on against your husband here I do hope you feel supported and not overwhelmed. I dont gamble much. I would think about whether this fits in a pattern of other bad behavior. Vegas! How would it feel if you lost your job or got demoted because you stopped travelling due to his shenanigans? The good part is that I was able to figure out why I had that reaction, which (mostly) made it go away. My jaw literally dropped. Sounds great. That was my thinking toohow much did he lead them into getting the exact answer he wanted? His income was mostly for his own frivolous purchases, my job paid the rent and most of the utilities (he paid his own phone bill and bitched about it nonstop). Reading it again, its a bit confusing, but I still think the husbands friends arent agreeing with him. But please ask yourself if this is an isolated incident, or if there have been other times when your husband has expressed this kind of feeling when you go out with friends for dinner, is it less likely that youll be kidnapped somehow? Good luck to you both. And if you go to Roppongi or Kabuki-cho and get wasted at a sketchy bar, then yeah, turns out you have greatly increased the odds that someone will steal your wallet. I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. The Truth About Taking Separate Vacations | HuffPost Women You have to go because if you refuse, that will absolutely jeopardize your standing in the company. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationlifetime guest pass policy. Anger can feel like a reward I always feel more assertive and more in control when Im angry than when Im anxious (and theres a lot of overlap between anger and anxiety anyway, thanks to physical arousal and adrenaline). Of course, were all operating with limited info, and (lets be honest) a natural inclination to cme to the defense of an AAM reader/writer..